Alright, I already had a go at the internet MC's, now it's time to go at you cracked Fruity Loops faggots. Not only are you stealing software and calling yourself a producer, you're making wack shit on top of it. Look, there's a lot of talented musicians out there making composed beats on software. Tons of them. But did you ever notice the few differences between you and them? If not, I'm going to do you a tremendous fucking favor and point them out.
1. Complex melodies. The cats that are putting out solid composed joints aren't making 3 note melodies that sound like someone slapped their balls on a midi controller and happened to record the 3 notes that their sack hit. Their shit is involved. There's depth to the shit that they're making.
2. The use of gay ass stock synths and 808 drums. Seriously, get the fuck out of here with that shit. If you were able to find a cracked fruity loops, I'm pretty fucking sure you can find some decent sounds that aren't dated and played out.
3. That faggot shit 808 snare roll. It doesn't need to be in One beat, let alone every fucking beat you make. Not only that, it's relatively a new thing and all of you hacks have played the shit out already. I mean WHAT THE FUCK. There's video tutorials on this bullshit on youtube. I mean is there really that many of you that want to do this shit that people have gone out of their way to post tutorials about it on youtube? Seriously? I want to literally break every one of your midi controllers and cut off your fucking internet connections so this shit stops. Immediately.
Now, that's a pretty short rant about that shit, but those are like the 3 major points. Well, besides the fact that the majority of composed shit outside of the really talented cats sounds exactly the fucking same. However, I think it's time to move onto the sample based producers.
There's a lot to say here and I'm going to try to break it down shortly and concisely. Who the fuck am I kidding, I'm going to go balls deep (pause) on this topic.
First of all, I'm tired of you kiddies trying to sound like Dilla. Nine times out of Ten, your non quantized drums don't have swing. They're pretty much WAY off beat. I'm trying to figure out how you listen to some of the shit you make and say "Yo! These drums are dope!" when in actuality if you went out and played that beat live and people tried to dance to it, they'd look like fainting goats and retarded giraffes because the shit is all off beat. Dilla was one of the best to ever do it. While I appreciate people trying to represent their influences in their music, it's a little much when you try so hard that your shit just sounds like a really poor clone of one of your influences. Stop it. Now.
Second of all, this is going to be a hotly debated topic, how many of you fucks actually sample off of vinyl these days? Now, I'm a semi-purist. What I mean by that is, yes. I sample off of vinyl a lot. But I'm not one of these stay at home faggots that stays ripping played out samples off of youtube and going to blogs and downloading all of my shit. Then again, I'm older than a lot of the cats I see posting their beats online so maybe I'm stuck in the past. But really. There's nothing better than going out to the thrift store, grabbing a bunch of records, taking them home and just listening to the pop and crackle of the record when the needle hits it. Even if you don't find anything to sample on the record, just that. That fucking sound is amazing. How many of you have even heard that sound coming out of your speakers and have created it yourself instead of using some bullshit filter to create it? Please, enlighten me.
Thirdly, we have the guy that chops the shit out of records and they sound like shit. "YO BRO THIS SAMPLE IS AMAZING BUT I HAVE TO HAVE 500 CHOPS IN EVERY JAWN I MAKE!" No, you don't. Rare loops are ill, chops are ill if you don't overdo it. You people really need to learn when and when not to chop the shit out of something. I get my slice on as much as the next producer, but if I find an undeniably ill loop that hasn't been sampled before, the shit is getting looped. Not every single beat you make has to be a testament to your skill at chopping a record. A lot of the time I hear some ridiculously chopped up shit and I think to myself "How the fuck is someone even going to rhyme over that bullshit?" I mean unless you're making beats and jerking off at the amount of chops you have in it and that's what you're into, that's peace. But if you're making beats for someone to rhyme over, that's terrible. Let the shit breathe. Stop acting like a rhesus monkey overdosing on speed when you sit in front of your DAW. An ill loop is just as dope and interesting as something that's been obliterated by your 5 million zero crossing slices.
As you can tell I'm a sample based producer. I'm also a trained musician. The thing is, I like taking other people's music and turning it into my own. Fuck you if you think it's stealing. Fuck you if you think that I'm not talented because I sample. An extra fuck you if you say it's harder to compose a beat than it is to sample. They both have their challenges. You need a great ear for both. I choose to go the sampling route because, if you're not a herb you'll realize... SAMPLING IS HIP-HOP.
Peace.
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